Addictions…yeah we all got ‘em.

Spent most of two weekends ago dragging my mom to the casino.  Lakeside in Osceola.  Why not, Grace spent two nights at my cousin’s house.  I was a free woman for the weekend.

This after Grace spent Thursday night at the babysitters.

Addictions…that was the subject.  I love to gamble.  Yeah, addicted to gambling.  Could it be worse?  Oh yeah.  I don’t drink.  Retract that.  I seldom if ever drink, but don’t mind a couple times of year having either a great glass or two of a good chilled red sweat wine or a daiquiri. 

I don’t do drugs.  I’ll even volunteer a lock of hair to have it tested.  Not that I didn’t ever experiment when I was younger.

I certainly have an addiction to chocolate.  Almost any and all if it doesn’t include mint in it.

We all have addictions of some kind.  I think so.  Whether gambling, drugs, alcohol, exercising, food addictions I think we all have a few.

Here’s where I rationalize.  Isn’t that a trait of an addict, to rationalize.  I had a boyfriend who swears he could function better high than not high.  I find the ‘highly’ unlikely.  Maybe I could find it ‘highly’ delusional.

What’s my rational?  I pay my bills.  I may not pay them off early.  I may not stop myself from increasing them either.  Thus, logically I’d have less debt and rack up less debt if I didn’t gamble.  But, I still pay my bills.

What else?  My child does not suffer in terms of food, clothing, shelter, etc.  Maybe the most suffering she does is less time with me and more time with family, friends, and a babysitter.  Though mostly it is during the night time so she’d be sleeping anyway.

See, rationalizing can work.

Do I win?  Seldom if ever do I hit big.  Even if I do, it usually means I can just stay longer and play more and more and more games. Though I was proud of my $315 jackpot…that we put back in.  We being Mom and me.  Yeah I drag her along but have to fund her habit too.  But, night two, left $12 up.  Great weekend.

What’s the attraction?  I zone out.  I can lose track of time, not think of things that bother me.  I might get a little anxious on wanting to win and not lose.  But, time passes so quickly.  It’s very mind freeing to me.  Same as if it were my mom putting together a jigsaw puzzle.

When I get nervous, uptight, anxious, stressed at home it’s the first thing I want to do.  It’s my calmer, my center.  

Though it would be great to win more frequently.  Or be smart enough to walk out when I am ahead.