I've tried very few diet fads. I just think it should be the natural way...exercise and diet. However I'm a food addict. For quite a few reasons. I grew up poor on a farm. You filled your plate with fattening greasy fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, gravy. And, you cleaned your plate. If you didn't take enough you'd be hungry. If you took too much and wasted it, someone else could have ate it.
My father, not a fan of women. He reminded me at a very young age...and continued to remind me the remainder of his life that he thought women were evil and ruled the world by crossing and uncrossing their legs. He'd drag me to bars when I was young. I think I remember it from the time I was 9. Remember even at 11 and 12 driving him the 17 miles home when the dimmer switch was on the floorboard and I couldn't reach it. Drove with brights on regardless of any oncoming traffic.
One evening/night at the bar there were no booths open. Polite little ladies did not sit at the bar. But, did that matter when you were a raging alcoholic in need of some Black Velvet? No...plop ur butt at the bar kiddo. This man, mostly like a little intoxicated...lol, shoved a quarter across the bar. "Go pick out some songs." I pushed the quarter back at him and tried to avoid him. But, he insisted. I played the jukebox. All the way home it was a lecture about what did I do to get him to give me a quarter. I'm sure I was only 9 or 10 at the time. I did nothing, but sit at the bar drinking my pop.
That led to thinking the more I weighed, the less guys would look at me. Not knowing there is a world out there of chubby chasers and it was not going to deter them. I don't think I'm ugly by any means. So if that wasn't going to work, now what I'm a fat ass.
Next factor - eating out. If you eat out it costs money. HARD EARNED MONEY to a poor farm family. So, back to clean your plate time. You ordered it, you eat it.
I love food. I love food. I've never trained my mind to use food as fuel. And I think I convinced myself that anything healthy would certainly not taste good.
I'm scared of weight loss surgery. A high school pal has bypass. She was very ill. Couldn't keep anything down. They kept telling her it was a side effect of the surgery she'd be fine. She died of staff infection. And, I worked at a plus size clothing store. I met lots of women that has the surgery. It's sometimes a false hope. You may not lose all you need to. And then one day a women came in for new clothes, she was down two sizes. I started asking questions. One of those questions, what did you have for lunch? Three french fries. WTF! Three flip'n french fries. Why go under the knife and not change your life style. Why would you even lift that grease to your lips.
Life style change. That was the key. Me...didn't work. I don't stick. To anything. I think I stick to being a mom, sister, daughter because the choice to not be just isn't there lol.
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